To Stress or Not to Stress...

Recent events include trying to get registered to take the ACE group fitness certification in April, trying to plan a trip to San Antonio in May, trying desparately to save enough money to accomplish both of these, trying to find the time to begin a twenty page Western Civ paper that is due in less than three weeks, trying to think about what I want to do for my fabulous nineteenth birthday, and constantly trying to find the time to study for everyday tests and quizzes that continually occupy my everyday life.

I have a lot to do.

Sometimes, thinking about everything that I have to do encompasses a greater majority of my time than actually doing them. Often, I think about my stress level and wonder if it is worth the satisfaction I receive from being so gosh-darn perfect. So I have composed a list of positive and negative results from my obsessive compulsive tendencies to keep life in perfect order.

Positives:

• I adore the praise that I receive for my accomplishments. I am not sure that I would be
  motivated to accomplish much unless I was sure to be positively reinforced for it.
  
• My accomplishments alone are positives: scholarships, President's List, group fitness assitant
  ( future instructor), each and every single A that I have sweated for/cried for.
  
• Even the process of learning to live on my own, partially supporting myself, and learning to conserve ( conserve money, food, socializing, etc...) is a positive.
  

Negatives:

• Perhaps I have a tendency to drive people away with my perpetual need for a cheering
  section. The boyfriend explained, "You know that I am proud of you, honey. It is just that
  sometimes I feel inadequate next to you." This forces me to think about my past and the
  demands I placed on family, friends, and boyfriends to support me in all that I do.
  I think about the negative feelings that must have innately resulted in each of them from
  continually having to force the expected smile and expression of congrats.
  
• I also stress to the point of appearing whiny and unattractive. Many a time I have heard the expression, "Chill out." Not many people want to befriend someone who resides in a habitual state of anxiety and distress.
  
• I spoil good moods that could have contributed to good times. Oftentimes, I immediately
  inform the boyfriend of the problems of my latest endeavors before he has had a chance to breathe around me. Perhaps this puts a damper on his mood as well.
  

A message to those who wholeheartedly support me and do not concur with my list of negatives: I genuinely appreciate the encouragement. However, even though there are some that fall into this category, I believe there are many others that are thinking, "Yes, Carrie, you have hit it right on the nose." Maybe the first step to solving a problem is realizing that you have one. Maybe some people realize that they have a problem and never discover the means to solve it. Perhaps my ability to talk in circles like this is the cause of my stress problem to begin with.

Now I have confused myself, and I do believe that I am going to need some input before I can determine whether or not I possess a normal stress level. So weigh the good and the bad, and leave me some comments!