Last Four! Three! Two! And One! Okay, March it Out Ladies. Nice Job!

It is official: I am scheduled to take the ACE group fitness certification test on April 15 in Tuscaloosa. I will not touch on what this will mean if I do not pass, seeing as I have spent an ungodly amount of money on the test and books with the clinging hope that I will be reimbursed somewhat shortly with a sixteen dollar an hour paycheck.

Let us, instead, focus on what this test will mean assuming that I do pass. I will be every aerobics' class worst nightmare. Yes, that is right. I have every intention of embodying every feature of the stereotypical aerobics teacher. I will bounce, I will smile, and I will yell numbers in a chipper and piercing voice. I will ask you if you are having a good time when you have that "I-just-got-up-from-a-nap-and-this-is-the-last-place-I-want-to-be-and-I-have-two-tests-to-study-for-and-a-research-paper-to-write-so-what-do-you-think-no-I-am-not-having-a-good-time" look on your face. Do not ever assume yourself to be safe from my overzealous exercise frenzy. If you look like you are only halfway participating, I will draw you in with maddeningly quick-like hyperactive intensity. I scoff to think that you should consider yourself safe when occupying the same proximity that I will when I become a truly certified aerobics teacher. This is only a warning.

Now, the only thing better than a two hour a week, sixteen dollar an hour job consisting of pure exercise is the job that I happen to currently be employed in. This dream job holds the title group exercise assistant and consists entirely of me attending one step class. With the exception of helping to lead for two days when my teacher became sick, this has probably been the easiest job on the face of the earth. I go to class, and then I get paid thirteen dollars and hour. Wow, somebody is getting fooled here, and it is not me.

Unfortunately, a new rule surfaced from the midst of a land called nowhere not too long ago stating that all group exercise assistants must be certified within a year. Ever heard the statement, "too good to be true?" Wouldn't life be lovely if we could all get paid for attending aerobics? Maybe it would help trim the obesity problem that America faces?

Nevertheless, I am truely excited. I was born to teach aerobics. So now I face an entire summer of perfecting my skills, watching videos, and practicing. The new rec center opens in the fall just in time for me to have my first class. They say that the classes can hold up to one hundred people.

But I show no fear. Bring it on.