The Holiday of My Dreams

It is undeniable that the pilgrims displayed tremendous amounts of courage during their first year here. They abandoned a country that suppressed their religious beliefs, sailed to a completely new world, and created a new freedom-based government by signing the Mayflower Compact. This Mayflower Compact, the precursor to the Declaration of Independence, represented the first sign of democracy and the first time that citizens were allowed to govern themselves. I stand in awe of the genius that our forefathers possessed.

However, the true basis of my admiration stems from their determination to celebrate that first Thanksgiving- with food! The ingenuity required by these people to even perceive of dedicating a whole day to eating is worship-worthy. What an amazing, astounding, stupefying concept!

Fast foward three hundred and eighty-four years later, and I am steadily involved in the countdown of the days until Thanksgiving of 2004. The day will commence with warmed, fresh-from-the-oven Sister Schubert pigs in blankets, scrambled eggs dripping with cheese, and hot, black, simmering coffee. Naturally the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade will follow. I will hardly be able to contain my excitement as I observe enormous balloons and pretty floats. My largest anticipation, however, centers around the closure of the parade. You know what I'm talking about- SANTA! Yes, after I spend five minutes jumping up and down and waving at the television to the big man, I regain my composure and begin to prepare for the main event of the day: Thanksgiving dinner. This involves changing into my turkey-eating pants ( i.e. anything stretchable) and settling into a comfortable mid-afternoon nap, during which the he-men of the house proceed to surround the television, examine the various football games, and generate assorted man-like grunts.

Upon awakening I feel refreshed and rejuvenated. A growl rumbles with quiet intensity from the inner workings of my belly, and a sharp hunger pain penetrates my side. There is no doubt- this meal doesn't stand a chance. Arriving at the table, I observe the sea of delectable edibles stretched before me. Golden brown turkey, bright red sweet potato casserole, fresh green beans, spinach casserole, steaming dressing, lucious cranberry sauce, classic giblet gravy, and then, of course, regular gravy (because, honestly, who could eat anything that contains the word giblet?) I shake with anticipation.

Twenty minutes later, the decimated entrees resemble the aftermath of a horrific tornado. That's right, in one sitting... in one tiny interval of time, I have consumed enough food that would have ordinarily lasted a week. That turkey never had a whisper of a prayer for hope.

I conlude with deepest gratitude to our early ancestors. Were it not for you, the greatest and most successful country in the world would never have come to be. More importantly, I would not have an excuse to stuff my face.